No such thing as a free lunch this yule.

Before Christmas, of course, is Yule. Winter Solstice, the longest night, the gateway between dwindling sun and the onward rush of Spring – and I was spending it with Ember (my best friend, and High Priestess), high up on the hill, above the glitter of suburban sprawl around the inlet below. It was quiet above the city: a solitary candle flickering in the lamp a small ways from our blanket and only the remorseful howl of a winter breeze over the inlet to join in in the pause between our conversation.

I have mixed feelings about winter.

I have mixed feelings about Winter. In some sense, the snow and rough branches add some excitement to play, and there is something magical about chasing a red cheeked, panting submissive through the snow covered trees with a bullwhip. But, I’ve never been a fan of the cold, and it’s done a number on my car too. One of the windscreen wipers fell off the other day. I managed to employ one of my submissives to lean out of the passenger window to wipe the screen during a rain shower (better employment of his over-eager wrist, I told him – Jeremy had not been adhering to my “no touch” rule), but you can understand it’s not a long term solution. I’m afraid I drive my car like I drive my submissives – possibly far more cruelly – thus I need to take it into a mechanic before it falls apart completely. The bill will probably be extensive, but procrastinating will only make it worse and the shift is grinding in a most disconcerting way. It wont be the first tranny I’ve broken. But usually they pay me for the privilege!

According to Ember, Saturn was moving into Capricorn, and this was pretty exciting for her. She got telling me the story of Saturnalia – a festival back in the days of the Romans. There was feasting and debauchery during this festival (for free folk and slave alike) – as one might expect from the Romans. But additionally,  a common man was nominated to be crowned “king” and could live in luxury for a period of time, before being – unfortunately for him – ceremonially sacrificed to appease Saturn. No such thing as a free lunch, folks.

“I’m surprised none of the common folk ordered a chariot, with six of the fastest horses in the kingdom, blades on the wheels and an army to protect them from being a human sacrifice.” I mused. “That’s what I would have done. See ya later, Saturn sucker!”

“They were men, after all. Duty over deviousness.”

We laughed. The candle flickered. Ember poured me another glass of blackberry cider and we toasted each other and the longest night of the year.

The subject got to sex toys – because – of course it did. She was raving about Bad Dragon – a brand I’d heard in passing before. She pulled up the website on her phone and showed me my new obsession – the Fusion Lil’ Squirts range was. If you haven’t visited Bad Dragon, you should. The site is a fantasy-sex hybrid masterpiece – kind of like if Tolkein had done product design with a dominatrix. The Fusion Lil’ Squirts have a tube through which “ejaculate” (lube) can be sprayed out of the end of a dildo. It’s on my list of things to acquire now. Ember said she’d probably get one for the new year too. I’m sure we’ll talk about our experiences with that in the coming weeks.

You can find a link to the product here: