I’ve been rolling around in bed moaning all night!

I’ve been rolling around in bed moaning all night and not for the best reason you might expect. I’m sick again. Luckily it’s a relatively quiet time for me, yet it seems like the latter part of 2017 has seen me laid out on my back more often than a White House intern. Unlike her though, I’m not paid for it. So I’m eating a clove of garlic an hour and trying to rest this off. It’s inconvenient, but what can you do? Ms. Lisowski – my landlady upstairs – also slipped an invite under the door for a Christmas sherry this morning, which I plan to partake in as soon as I can get my ailing body going again.

I’ve been spending recuperation time working on my Christmas gift list. Some gifts still need to be purchased, but I thought I’d share with you my progress so far, just in case you’re needing some inspiration.


For Milton, the dog: A Hot Doll (the blow up doll for dogs)
Link: http://www.hotdoll.fr/contenu.php?id_contenu=8&lang=2
$200 from Hotdoll.fr. Given Milton’s propensity for indulging his bestial lust on anything in range (like some men I’ve known), I figured I would push the boat out and send one of these puppies to Mother’s. Yes, yes, I know it’s expensive, but the thought of Mother’s reaction to this when she has the neighbors round is priceless. Besides, Bertie’s ankles could probably do with a break from Milton’s teeth. I’m charitable. Sometimes you’ve got to accept an old dog is an old dog, and allow it its nature. And Milton should enjoy it too.

Mother: Sherry. Mother doesn’t really want anything else from me. Except prodigy. And she’s out of luck on that score this year, at least.

Bertie: Brass balls keyring. $7.99 You can get it here.
As Mother has his, I felt I’d be charitable and give him a pair.

Paulo: Male tears mug $9.27 – Get it here.
As my dear poet’s girlfriend is keeping him gainfully occupied right now, I will give him this to collect any spare tears until he comes over again.

Marcus: A cast of Paulo’s cock. Paulo did an art exhibition on sexuality a while back and gave me this bright red plaster mache cast of his member. No idea why he thought it would interest me. In the spirit of re-gifting, I’ll be delivering this to Marcus the next time I see him, so he can relive the humiliation of his lesson on The Chariot every time he sees it.

Ember: “Bend over oil” and a black male candle. This potent voodoo formula and its candle counterpart allows for magical manipulation of the less intelligent sex, when words fall on deaf ears. I do hope she has fun with it. I also got her a shock probe for when magic comes slow.

Morgana: “Hey Little Ant” by Phillip Hoose. A story about why we do not tread on ants. It’s six months til summer and hopefully I can spare another ant genocide by her patent heels. Also a new Ken doll, as the head came off of hers a while back, and it’s hard to secure binds around just a stump. I mean, I do it a lot, but for a five year old, without that kind of manual dexterity…

And of course, I always have a few Amazon Gift Cards available, just in case I forget anyone. You’ll hear from me soon.

Until the next time.

Mistress Katia Thornwood.

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